Showing posts with label kick in the pants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kick in the pants. Show all posts
Friday, April 8, 2011
Hindsight is more than 20/20. It's like Superman vision.
It's interesting. In November I felt that I could once again reassemble myself to the full glory of completeness. Getting my footing back has certainly made headway for that progress, I'm pleased to announce. I can't express properly the delight I arrive at now when I feel myself becoming excited about doing things that in the past couple years I felt I could do with or without. The indifference hung over me like a saturated cloud ready to burst, but now the brisk breeze of pleasure is gently ushering it away. At the time, I didn't really see what was going on. I just knew that a part of me was taking a nap, all curled up in a warm duvet with 600 thread count sheets, and wasn't so keen on waking up. No one offered to wake me up for dinner though. A mild tap on the shoulder here and there, but nothing to really rouse me. I slept way past midnight. I remember saying to my close friends "I think I've lost my funny." I kept feeling that way but wasn't so sure what to do about it. That should have been my red flag. They still laughed at my jokes and my silly antics, because, let's be honest here, I'm always funny, though sometimes to a much lesser degree. Their laughter was, and will always be music in my soul. It helps to keep me going. I kind of felt like I was just going through the motions of my life. But I did not ever address the worry. I just kept going and told myself I'd get myself back on track. Perhaps I hid things pretty well too. Smiling when I should, laughing as I could, and running away every chance I had to not draw attention. And then November came. I finally realized I needed to do something. I don't really know if anyone gets it, if anyone understands that collecting myself and being on my own again and having all of my things in the land of Melissa put in the right spots makes me feel good, makes me feel like me. But it does. Notably, the first three months of this year were hilarious and fun. I know that I would not have been able to enjoy myself quite so much if I hadn't realized last fall that I needed to collect myself up and put me back together. Regardless of anything, I am just so happy to know that I was me, one hundred percent me, for the first time in a long time. That is what I call progress. That is the glue that is binding me together. Knowing that I still exist. *Apologies for the serious and cryptic nature of this post. Very out of the ordinary, I know! *Son of a crap! Why won't this format into proper paragraphs!!!! Pfft. Here I felt all nice and mellow from writing this post, and now the anger of poor formatting makes my blood boil!!!! Kidding. Mostly... ;)
Monday, March 9, 2009
Want vs need? Let's just be thankful.
I've just got to say this. I generally stay away from this kind of rambling, but...
Today on Ellen, she had a segment about finance and the current economic situation. In true Ellen style, she was pulling a fast one so that she could offload a ton of freebies to a select audience member. Which, if I might interrupt myself, God bless her soul for using her position in the entertainment world to constantly give away stuff like that and help people out.
However, the point I am working towards is that she had a financial advisor on the show, and posed the interview that she would take audience questions. The woman, whom I am sure is representative of many people (which is going to press my point further), spoke on her concern over the economy. Her situation is that she and her husband bought a house last year before things were going south, hubby lost his job, but got a new one, and they have yet to move into the new home. She wanted to know from the financial guy what kind of options they have, as they are stretched.
Mr. Finance, as it turns out, is a just a guy who works for Ellen - it's part of the ploy to give away the free stuff. But before this is revealed, he asks her something and she says that they haven't moved because they have nothing to put in the new house. He then scratches his head, looks at Ellen, and says something like, 'can you give her a toaster, maybe? I don't know...'
I'll stop summarizing the show now.
This is what stumped me. Here is this woman, who had just stated that both she and her husband are employed, making decent money. The have a place to live now, and own a home otherwise. Yet, they won't move into the new house, because it's empty. I realise there is more to this story than this, but still. I wonder....what the hell is in the house they are living in right now??? Are they eating off of cardboard boxes? Are they sleeping on a scattering of grocery bags? Somehow, I would suspect they have furniture aplenty in their current residence, but it's not the new shiny stuff they want.
Hate is a strong word, but, I think it's safe for me to say that I hate it when people use situations beyond their control to blame and take advantage. Yes, I recognize the economy is not at it's best right now, but the majority of North Americans are living in heated homes, with running water and food in the cupboard, and clothes on our backs. They might not be the newest clothes, but what is wrong with last year's wardrobe?
Yet here she is, thinking that she is absolutely stuck in a futile situation. Gifts from Ellen is not going to help her. Realising that life ain't so bad is.
All I can do is scratch my head and remember that my own life....it ain't so bad.
Today on Ellen, she had a segment about finance and the current economic situation. In true Ellen style, she was pulling a fast one so that she could offload a ton of freebies to a select audience member. Which, if I might interrupt myself, God bless her soul for using her position in the entertainment world to constantly give away stuff like that and help people out.
However, the point I am working towards is that she had a financial advisor on the show, and posed the interview that she would take audience questions. The woman, whom I am sure is representative of many people (which is going to press my point further), spoke on her concern over the economy. Her situation is that she and her husband bought a house last year before things were going south, hubby lost his job, but got a new one, and they have yet to move into the new home. She wanted to know from the financial guy what kind of options they have, as they are stretched.
Mr. Finance, as it turns out, is a just a guy who works for Ellen - it's part of the ploy to give away the free stuff. But before this is revealed, he asks her something and she says that they haven't moved because they have nothing to put in the new house. He then scratches his head, looks at Ellen, and says something like, 'can you give her a toaster, maybe? I don't know...'
I'll stop summarizing the show now.
This is what stumped me. Here is this woman, who had just stated that both she and her husband are employed, making decent money. The have a place to live now, and own a home otherwise. Yet, they won't move into the new house, because it's empty. I realise there is more to this story than this, but still. I wonder....what the hell is in the house they are living in right now??? Are they eating off of cardboard boxes? Are they sleeping on a scattering of grocery bags? Somehow, I would suspect they have furniture aplenty in their current residence, but it's not the new shiny stuff they want.
Hate is a strong word, but, I think it's safe for me to say that I hate it when people use situations beyond their control to blame and take advantage. Yes, I recognize the economy is not at it's best right now, but the majority of North Americans are living in heated homes, with running water and food in the cupboard, and clothes on our backs. They might not be the newest clothes, but what is wrong with last year's wardrobe?
Yet here she is, thinking that she is absolutely stuck in a futile situation. Gifts from Ellen is not going to help her. Realising that life ain't so bad is.
All I can do is scratch my head and remember that my own life....it ain't so bad.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Lists upon lists
I don't know what it is about the summer time that keeps me so busy. I get frazzled easily and have moments of 'ohmygoodnessthereisnotenoughtime' just like Jessie Spano every now and then, that I don't experience in the fall, winter or spring.
And yes, I know that I have some big things on my list this summer, but that doesn't explain why my past 4 summers have been hectic times. The invitations/requests/demands seem to multiply when the heat goes up.
I am trying to keep on top of everything I need to do. Lately, I've resorted to writing out lists of things I need to do. And they really have been helping me. I've been quite productive lately actually, which always elicits an inward smile. However, last night, I strayed from the list--went out for dinner, sat on my rear watching Sex & the City (it was the ones where Carrie first met Aidan, how could I turn those off???), and whitened my teeth with Crest Strips (which I must say, don't work since I am too forgetful use them more than three days in a row...good job Melissa, good job...). When bedtime rolled around, I didn't even hit the hay--instead I stayed on my laptop and msn'd with Simon down in Australia. All productiveness went down the drain, unless you count the further convincing of Simon that we should marry as an achieved goal. (Which, he said he told his mom of my plans, and she laughed. No Bev, you're supposed to tell Simon that is a fine idea.)
I haven't written my list of things to do for tonight. Perhaps I'll just use last nights.
And yes, I know that I have some big things on my list this summer, but that doesn't explain why my past 4 summers have been hectic times. The invitations/requests/demands seem to multiply when the heat goes up.
I am trying to keep on top of everything I need to do. Lately, I've resorted to writing out lists of things I need to do. And they really have been helping me. I've been quite productive lately actually, which always elicits an inward smile. However, last night, I strayed from the list--went out for dinner, sat on my rear watching Sex & the City (it was the ones where Carrie first met Aidan, how could I turn those off???), and whitened my teeth with Crest Strips (which I must say, don't work since I am too forgetful use them more than three days in a row...good job Melissa, good job...). When bedtime rolled around, I didn't even hit the hay--instead I stayed on my laptop and msn'd with Simon down in Australia. All productiveness went down the drain, unless you count the further convincing of Simon that we should marry as an achieved goal. (Which, he said he told his mom of my plans, and she laughed. No Bev, you're supposed to tell Simon that is a fine idea.)
I haven't written my list of things to do for tonight. Perhaps I'll just use last nights.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Fabulous Five
Ok, so I haven't particularly been in the best of moods lately, just a little down on life. I need to buck up and stand tall, and take life for what it is.
Sometimes a little reminder of what is good in life is all it takes. So here I go. Here are five things I am grateful for in my life.
1. Family ~ I am grateful to have family members who are close knit and loving, and who will stay by each other's side for the long haul. That even though we don't always agree with each other, we haven't turned our backs on each other, as some of our other family members have done to each other.
2. Friends ~ I am grateful to have friends who seem to want to keep me around (hahaha). Friends who can make me laugh and giggle, and feel appreciated and respected. Friends who take me for who I am.
3. My job that I hate ~ Yes, I hate my job, but I am grateful to have it, as it provides solid employment, a decent pay, includes a benefit package, and has taught me valuable skills that I can carry forward into the workforce. If I did not have this job, I might not be able to have some the 'luxuries' in my life that I enjoy on a regular basis. Additionally, my job does allow me for some freedom in the workplace that I might not get with another organization.
4. My car ~ I am grateful to have a reliable, fuel-efficient car. It allows me the freedom to travel as I please. I can visit friends and family who live elsewhere at anytime, and not have to rely on anyone else to do so. I can carry out my errands without hassle, I can jump in my car on a whim and go somewhere, I can attend to family emergencies at the drop of a hat.
5. Being Canadian ~ That's right, I am grateful to be a Canadian. There are many places in the world who face poverty and war, who don't have clean water and enough food, and who don't have appropriate social systems in place--like healthcare. There are many things to be said for living in North America, where we are all able to lead our lives in such afforded comfort, that we should all be grateful for. While I don't necessarily agree with all that the government does (or does not do), it is minuscule compared to the benefits; Canadians are given so many rights and opportunities that many others in the world don't get. I truly am thankful to be Canadian.
Now I just need to keep reminding myself of these things, get my head out of my ass and smarten up.
Sometimes a little reminder of what is good in life is all it takes. So here I go. Here are five things I am grateful for in my life.
1. Family ~ I am grateful to have family members who are close knit and loving, and who will stay by each other's side for the long haul. That even though we don't always agree with each other, we haven't turned our backs on each other, as some of our other family members have done to each other.
2. Friends ~ I am grateful to have friends who seem to want to keep me around (hahaha). Friends who can make me laugh and giggle, and feel appreciated and respected. Friends who take me for who I am.
3. My job that I hate ~ Yes, I hate my job, but I am grateful to have it, as it provides solid employment, a decent pay, includes a benefit package, and has taught me valuable skills that I can carry forward into the workforce. If I did not have this job, I might not be able to have some the 'luxuries' in my life that I enjoy on a regular basis. Additionally, my job does allow me for some freedom in the workplace that I might not get with another organization.
4. My car ~ I am grateful to have a reliable, fuel-efficient car. It allows me the freedom to travel as I please. I can visit friends and family who live elsewhere at anytime, and not have to rely on anyone else to do so. I can carry out my errands without hassle, I can jump in my car on a whim and go somewhere, I can attend to family emergencies at the drop of a hat.
5. Being Canadian ~ That's right, I am grateful to be a Canadian. There are many places in the world who face poverty and war, who don't have clean water and enough food, and who don't have appropriate social systems in place--like healthcare. There are many things to be said for living in North America, where we are all able to lead our lives in such afforded comfort, that we should all be grateful for. While I don't necessarily agree with all that the government does (or does not do), it is minuscule compared to the benefits; Canadians are given so many rights and opportunities that many others in the world don't get. I truly am thankful to be Canadian.
Now I just need to keep reminding myself of these things, get my head out of my ass and smarten up.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
My dirty little secret
I must admit, I am addicted to reading my horoscope. Everyday, I log on to my computer at work, and within the first hour, I have looked it up on Sympatico/MSN. I even have it programmed to be specifically for me.
Most of the time, it's just mumbo-jumbo. But today's horoscope, I think kind of gives me the kick in the pants I need. Even with the bitter bus business. I'll let you read it....
And it's so true. I can complain about shit til the cows come home, but I should be giving thanks for what I have instead. Focus on the good, not the bad.
I should print that out and put it in my wallet, so when I get down, I can just pull it out and read it. And then tell myself to SUCK IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL!!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Not Again
Oh no.
I fear the bitter bus has arrived at my door step again today. That door just swung open and I hopped on.
Damn I hate taking this route through the day.
Bitter. Bitter. Bitter. Bitter.
This bitterness has been generated in my cubby at work. I blame it all on the cubby. And those who march past the cubby.
There will be no sucking it up for the next few hours. I can feel it. I will revel in my bitterness.
:: :: :: :: ::
Ok, some time has passed, I am still bitter, but I have decided that I will make a list of things that make me happy in an attempt to quell my bitterness.
*I just heard the new Powderfinger song on the radio...I love Powderfinger more than I should, so that just put a slight smile on my face.
*I am taking next week off of work to take a road trip with my mom to Ottawa. That is one week without the stress of my job....sigh....so heavenly.
*Spring has arrived and there are flowers in gardens. I love flowers ~ I really am that person who literally stops to smell the flowers :)
*I have made up my mind that I am quitting my job by the end of the summer no matter what to move to Toronto. A fresh start is always a good start.
*New episodes of Grey's Anatomy and McLeod's Daughters...hahaha
*Yummy Thai food (I went out for pad thai last night....sooooooo gooooood, I have the left overs for lunch)
*My internet best friend
Well....that makes me feel a little bit better now.....deep breathes, calming motions, deep breathes....
I fear the bitter bus has arrived at my door step again today. That door just swung open and I hopped on.
Damn I hate taking this route through the day.
Bitter. Bitter. Bitter. Bitter.
This bitterness has been generated in my cubby at work. I blame it all on the cubby. And those who march past the cubby.
There will be no sucking it up for the next few hours. I can feel it. I will revel in my bitterness.
:: :: :: :: ::
Ok, some time has passed, I am still bitter, but I have decided that I will make a list of things that make me happy in an attempt to quell my bitterness.
*I just heard the new Powderfinger song on the radio...I love Powderfinger more than I should, so that just put a slight smile on my face.
*I am taking next week off of work to take a road trip with my mom to Ottawa. That is one week without the stress of my job....sigh....so heavenly.
*Spring has arrived and there are flowers in gardens. I love flowers ~ I really am that person who literally stops to smell the flowers :)
*I have made up my mind that I am quitting my job by the end of the summer no matter what to move to Toronto. A fresh start is always a good start.
*New episodes of Grey's Anatomy and McLeod's Daughters...hahaha
*Yummy Thai food (I went out for pad thai last night....sooooooo gooooood, I have the left overs for lunch)
*My internet best friend
Well....that makes me feel a little bit better now.....deep breathes, calming motions, deep breathes....
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Bus Stop Blues
The bitter bus has come to a halt of some kind. There is a new driver coming soon, so I can step off that bus. Next time I'll just be a passenger.
No need to get my knickers in a knot over all this stuff. Life goes on. Must find my zen or something like that.
After all, I live in Canada, and I have a job and a house and family and friends. I'm pretty lucky and shouldn't forget it. It could be a hell of a lot worse.
No need to get my knickers in a knot over all this stuff. Life goes on. Must find my zen or something like that.
After all, I live in Canada, and I have a job and a house and family and friends. I'm pretty lucky and shouldn't forget it. It could be a hell of a lot worse.
Just think about wings and beer. That makes me happy.
Monday, April 9, 2007
Bitter Bus
I saw an advertisement in the paper last week looking for a bus driver for the bitter bus. I thought it would be a great idea to apply for this position, and now I am driving it, full force ahead.
For clear solid reasons, along with mysterious reasons beyond me, I have been in a piss lately. Things just keep seem to be adding up to make me feel miserable. Now, not to say that I am "just a girl" with typical, cyclical bad moods, but I am starting to wonder about this. I've never been a sufferer of PMS....but as of late....things change. Damn things.
These are things that are putting a bee in my bonnet.....
1. The situation with my brother is still pissing me off. What kind of jerk beats people up and puts them in the hospital? Honestly....life is about love, not war.
2. My dog was put down last week because she had cancer. My poor puppy. While it is true that now she is in a better place and not suffering anymore, I am still sad because she is my dog.
3. I hate my job. No further explanation needed.
3a. Ok, more explanation. Most people hate their jobs, so really, this should not be such an issue, it's just part of life. But it pisses me off even more that try as I may to get a new job, no one wants to hire me. I must really suck at interviews.
4. The guy I am head over heels about is~so I feel~jerking me around. That pisses me off because he is generally a strait up guy, which is one of the things I like so much about him. He just can't decide what he wants. It's not like I'm asking him to have babies with me. Just to be my boyfriend.
5. Number four leads to number five. In my drunken state on the weekend (see last blog) I sent an email to the guy noted in number four. I was not as tactful as I am when sober, and perhaps said something to weird him out, and he has not spoken to me since I sent it. Though it has only been two days since I sent it, and it's not like we talk everyday anyways. So I should not freak out too much about that.
6. Back to I hate my job. I sit in the friggin' hallway in a random cubicle. Does anyone else sit in the hallway? No. Just me. And we have a temperature issue in the building that makes all the offices hot and the hallway freezes. So I sit here all bundled up and complain it's too cold, while everyone else is sweating, meaning that the majority wins, and they won't turn up the thermostat. Jerks. Additionally, there is a free office where I could move into, but they won't let me because apparently we are getting an HR generalist who will move in there. But they have been saying that since November. It's now April. They just like to give me the shaft.
7. My mother is forgetful. Even though I just saw her the other weekend and gushed to her about the boy and showed her pics from when he came to visit me, she has forgotten about him. And a friend of hers has a crush on me (he's about 5 years or so older than me...not some old man...hehehehe) who has asked me out in the past, and I have politely told him I was flattered, however, I was seeing someone. Well he has to come to town this week for an appointment and asked me out for dinner. I was like, wtf.....why is he asking me on a date?? It's because he asked my mother if I was still seeing that guy, and she said NO!!!!!!!! What the hell, mom??? I've told her before I have no interest in this guy! The answer is always YES, she is dating someone. Make up a name if you have to, mom!!! So I turned him down for dinner, and made up a lie that I was busy later in the evening, so now we are going for a coffee. And I have tried to deter him from that, but he's not curbing his effort. Son of a bitch.
7a. And I feel like a jerk for be pissed off that someone likes me.
7b. And I feel pissed off that this guy likes me and is asking me for a date when fuckhead boy I really like can't make up his mind what he wants. I feel like telling him he's not my only option, but then I would feel like a bitch. Besides which, I don't want anyone else, just him.
8. I'm still annoyed that I ate Easter dinner at a pub.
9. My friend's mom was in a car accident last week, and the driver of the other vehicle did not survive the crash. She might be charged with some crazy car accident crime. While this does not effect me directly, I am very upset for my friend and her family.
10. And finally, people in general are annoying.
I could go on, but I should stop here, as I am making myself more mad as I write this.
I feel I need to find something to make myself feel better, but I have no idea what I should do. How about I waste the rest of my workday working on solutions.
For clear solid reasons, along with mysterious reasons beyond me, I have been in a piss lately. Things just keep seem to be adding up to make me feel miserable. Now, not to say that I am "just a girl" with typical, cyclical bad moods, but I am starting to wonder about this. I've never been a sufferer of PMS....but as of late....things change. Damn things.
These are things that are putting a bee in my bonnet.....
1. The situation with my brother is still pissing me off. What kind of jerk beats people up and puts them in the hospital? Honestly....life is about love, not war.
2. My dog was put down last week because she had cancer. My poor puppy. While it is true that now she is in a better place and not suffering anymore, I am still sad because she is my dog.
3. I hate my job. No further explanation needed.
3a. Ok, more explanation. Most people hate their jobs, so really, this should not be such an issue, it's just part of life. But it pisses me off even more that try as I may to get a new job, no one wants to hire me. I must really suck at interviews.
4. The guy I am head over heels about is~so I feel~jerking me around. That pisses me off because he is generally a strait up guy, which is one of the things I like so much about him. He just can't decide what he wants. It's not like I'm asking him to have babies with me. Just to be my boyfriend.
5. Number four leads to number five. In my drunken state on the weekend (see last blog) I sent an email to the guy noted in number four. I was not as tactful as I am when sober, and perhaps said something to weird him out, and he has not spoken to me since I sent it. Though it has only been two days since I sent it, and it's not like we talk everyday anyways. So I should not freak out too much about that.
6. Back to I hate my job. I sit in the friggin' hallway in a random cubicle. Does anyone else sit in the hallway? No. Just me. And we have a temperature issue in the building that makes all the offices hot and the hallway freezes. So I sit here all bundled up and complain it's too cold, while everyone else is sweating, meaning that the majority wins, and they won't turn up the thermostat. Jerks. Additionally, there is a free office where I could move into, but they won't let me because apparently we are getting an HR generalist who will move in there. But they have been saying that since November. It's now April. They just like to give me the shaft.
7. My mother is forgetful. Even though I just saw her the other weekend and gushed to her about the boy and showed her pics from when he came to visit me, she has forgotten about him. And a friend of hers has a crush on me (he's about 5 years or so older than me...not some old man...hehehehe) who has asked me out in the past, and I have politely told him I was flattered, however, I was seeing someone. Well he has to come to town this week for an appointment and asked me out for dinner. I was like, wtf.....why is he asking me on a date?? It's because he asked my mother if I was still seeing that guy, and she said NO!!!!!!!! What the hell, mom??? I've told her before I have no interest in this guy! The answer is always YES, she is dating someone. Make up a name if you have to, mom!!! So I turned him down for dinner, and made up a lie that I was busy later in the evening, so now we are going for a coffee. And I have tried to deter him from that, but he's not curbing his effort. Son of a bitch.
7a. And I feel like a jerk for be pissed off that someone likes me.
7b. And I feel pissed off that this guy likes me and is asking me for a date when fuckhead boy I really like can't make up his mind what he wants. I feel like telling him he's not my only option, but then I would feel like a bitch. Besides which, I don't want anyone else, just him.
8. I'm still annoyed that I ate Easter dinner at a pub.
9. My friend's mom was in a car accident last week, and the driver of the other vehicle did not survive the crash. She might be charged with some crazy car accident crime. While this does not effect me directly, I am very upset for my friend and her family.
10. And finally, people in general are annoying.
I could go on, but I should stop here, as I am making myself more mad as I write this.
I feel I need to find something to make myself feel better, but I have no idea what I should do. How about I waste the rest of my workday working on solutions.
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