*Shudder*

It really makes me wonder just why it is that I can watch bloody gore and gross gross gross things on tv, yet for some reason, I cringe at the sight of a needle penetrating a person's skin.

I literally avert my eyes milliseconds before the needle goes in, and pull that I am grossed out face. But I watch with rapture as Hannibal slices his knife up the gut of Inspector Pazzi.

I just don't see where that balance is....

What will tomorrow hold?

So I read my horoscope every day. It's kind of more for entertainment, not really a guide for daily life. I used to read it at the end of the day, just to see how it measured up.

Lately, though, I've gotten into the habit of reading it the day before. You know, I click on "tomorrow." Sometimes it makes sense, other times it is completely off base.

But those days when it does make sense, it makes me wonder. I mean yes, I realise that horoscopes are generalized so the reader can apply it to their own life. But when my horoscope says something about how I've been over eating crappy food (which I have been) and I might begin to regret it, and then the very next morning I feel so nauseous I barely want to eat at all. Hmmm....mind over matter? Or how about when it tells me that Monday will not be a good day for work, I won't have much focus, I'll be interrupted a lot, and then Monday turns out to be just so. Creepy, or am I making these things happen?

Ahhh...only the stars above know.

The Real Deal

Sweet!!! The recruitment agency has set me up with an interview with a posh hotel's corporate office!!! Interview Monday morning, will be sure to mind my p's and q's, not babble, not crack jokes, say all the right things. It will be glorious.

So that means, taking Monday off. Which means only four more days of work left!!! Woop woop!!!

On an unrelated note, my dear friend Emily has just moved to China for one year, to teach English. I had found an article in the past while that noted that Chinese officials are cracking down on illegal roadside stalls that sell pirated dvd's, blackmarket makeup....and puppies. Yes, puppies. So of course I forwarded the article to Emily. Now that she has arrived to China, her email to me to let me know she has landed safely goes as such:

They sell donkey meat on road side stalls, and you once told me they weren't allowed to use horns; well they never got the message all they do is honk and then cut each other off. It's odd.
And I have yet to find a puppy.
I must go now, but we'll talk soon.
xox
em

Ahhhh....she gives me the giggles. First of all, I wonder, people really eat donkey meat????? I have enough troubles with the thought of eating animals who don't reside on regular farms. But donkeys??? I could not imagine a donkey to have a nice...texture or taste. Hmmmm.... oh well, apparently someone likes it.

Happy travels Emily!!!!!

Shark Week

"I think it is very exciting that a man-eating shark has been spotted off the coast of Cornwall," Mr Baxter, an Australian marine biologist said.

I don't know about you, but if I was taking a holiday in England and spotted a man eating shark at the beach, I would head for the hills. In fact, I would head for the hills in any country where I spotted a shark at the beach. This article I just found on Nine MSN tells how there is potentially a great white shark up there, even though England is not the typical playground for these sharks.

I have to admit, I am fascinated by sharks. I love watching documentaries about sharks and different programs, and I love love love Shark Week on the Discovery Channel.

But.

I am also terrified of sharks. And I say that is rightly so. Um, my flailing legs, their sharp teeth, it just does not paint a pretty picture. Have you not seen Jaws??? Do you not watch CSI Miami?? I like to play it safe most of the time, and have been known to behave like a chicken. Right before I left for Australia, I was invited to go sailing on the Great Barrier Reef with the family I was originally bunking with shortly after my arrival. I was pretty damn excited. Excited until my mom said "Oh! If you have your period, don't go in the water!!! There are sharks!!!!!!!!! They will sniff you out!!"

Now, I don't know if I've mentioned this yet, but my mom is a professional psychic. And when she gives out warnings, sometimes, it is hard to decipher if she is being a protective mom, or if she has been struck with some intuition that I am going to die a horrible death by being eaten by a shark.

So there I was. There we were. Sailing upon the ocean blue, singing silly folk songs to each other and losing our hats to the wind and ocean. A family of four, plus two. That makes for five people all trying to coax me to jump off the damn boat and get in water because there are no flippin' sharks around. Woo-woo Melissa, watch out for that sea cucumber.

So I relented. I was safe, it was good time for me to go in....no reason for a shark to 'sniff me out'. (Damn you mom...). I snorkeled and swam. I recited in my head in my fake French accent "Welcome to Jacques Cousteau's underwater adventure..." and made up names for all the pretty fish and coral I saw. It was quite hysterical in my head, I assure you.

And there were no sharks. I survived~we all survived! In fact, most people who go to the beach survive because sharks are not attacking them. Ahhh....my crazy imagination.

But I will add this, to emphasize what a chicken I am. Later in the year, MJ and I went to Byron Bay for a week, she took surfing lessons. I did not. I was still scared of being eaten by a shark....

Another Fornication Friday

Friday has arrived yet again. (Because I was expecting it not to!?!?!) And yet again, I whistled my way through the day, avoiding work.

Hey. When I sit in a damn cubby in the middle of the hallway, and no one is around, how are they going to know?? I am like an island out here. I still manage to get my shit done. I just get it done faster and with less effort. Only 49 days left. That is 7 Fornication Friday's that I can't wait for.

For the next week and a half, I have been appointed the task of recording all the daily payments that come in. This is a job that was once mine, one that I have happily shed to another sucker in this office. And yet here I am, agreeing to do it for the next 7 days. I believe it says sucker on my forehead.

So yes, I did the cash, answered the phone a few times and read the news online. Real news and fake news. Fake news being that of celebrities. Those people are fuckin' dumb. Honestly, why do we pay so much attention to them, and give them the gratification of that attention? All the Paris' and Lindsay's of the world should just roll over and die. (Ok, well maybe not die. No need to be so mean. They should just roll over out of the way and stay there.) This whole Britney Spears drama with her umbrella...why do we care?

Ok. Enough of the damn celebrities.

In the real news today, I found an article about an ice cream truck driver who was not-so-inconspicuously selling weed from the same truck. Bravo Mr. Dealer, nothing like providing the weed and the snacks for the munchies that are soon to follow, and then getting busted for it. Who did he image himself after? Cheech or Chong? Perhaps he would have been better to spray his truck with weed and have the potheads lick and peel the weed off the side or something. This alleged pot-peddler was spotted by local police after they had been given a tip off of his illicit selling of wares. The statement given by the officer who spoke to the man who delighted children of all ages, was that he "detected the odour of marijuana coming from the truck (along with tutti-frutti and a couple other flavours)." I'm glad that the cop gave recognition to the fact there was ice cream on board the truck. I suspect this pot-dealers dreams of becoming the king pin has gone up in smoke.....

And score for me, it's 4:48. I get to go home soon.

Mother Nature has PMS

Ok.


Is it just me, or has anyone else thought about how weird the weather is. Did anyone else wonder about the fact that there were severe rainstorms the world over this past weekend?


Massive rains and some severe flooding in India, China, Taiwan, eastern Australia, Canada~both in BC and in Ontario, parts of Europe, Iran, Bangladesh. All that is missing is the US, Africa, and South America really. Unless I didn't get those newsflashes.


It disturbs me to think that we are the ones causing all of this. Yes, I am a firm believer that the human race will destruct the planet, that it will come through the form of severe environmental changes. We are jerks.


Let's just hope I'm wrong. But I'm not wrong very often.....just kidding.


I love the planet. Let's all be friends to the environment. Please.

Call of the week: Driver's Ed

It never fails. At least one call comes through that qualifies to be shared each week. This week, I would like to call it "Driver's Ed".

It seems that a business had just been delivered their new telephone directory. A gentleman dropped off a couple, and went back to his car. Out front of the building is a parking lot with ample space. Plenty of room to turn your car around in, the caller says. But this gentleman chose a different way. He backed his car up right where he was. He backed up into the pond on their front lawn.

That's right. Backed up into the pond.

Now he didn't get too far into the pond before he realised what he had done. Rather, just along the edge. And then he kind of got stuck in the pond. He spun his wheels in his attempts to get out of the pond. Sent some rocks flying, showered pond water about. TORE THE POND LINER.

He got out of the pond. He did not go back into the business to apologise. He just left!! Can you believe that?!?!? He damaged their property and left. What did he think, that this would not catch up to him? That the business would not call it in to let us know?? Silly fool....they always call....

So...should you ever drive into someone's pond.....maybe you should go in and apologise. I mean, I know you would feel like an ass for doing it in the first place, but it just might save your ass in the long run.

How unusual.....

I thought that for today, I would entertain with some strange and unusual news. I've skimmed over a several headlines on msn.ca. While the story of the man who tried to smuggle 700 snakes on a plane in Cairo is amusing, I took a unanimous vote (though I was the only voter...) to comment on the man who was arrested and sentenced to 16 months of jail for stealing $34.00 worth of gas in Saskatchewan. Take a peek at this....

SWIFT CURRENT, Sask. (CP) - Talk about the high price of gas.

A Winnipeg man has been sentenced to 16 months in jail after stealing about $34 worth of fuel from a service station in Morse, Sask. RCMP were called to the station on Wednesday. They quickly spotted their suspect vehicle on the Trans-Canada highway and a chase ensued.
The driver avoided one spike belt and stopped the vehicle prior to running over a second.

Ksamil Kalturnyk, 22, appeared in Swift Current court later that afternoon and pleaded guilty to charges of possession of stolen property, theft and dangerous driving.
He also pleaded guilty to breaching a conditional sentence order.

Now....I know that gas prices are getting ridiculous again. I think today the price is "good" at $1.075/litre here in London. But it was reaching $1.15 on the weekend, I hear it topped out at $1.24 somewhere in Ontario. I have no idea what it was elsewhere in the country. More specifically, what the gas was in Morse, Saskatchewan (which, I don't even know where that is). But was it really that much that Mr. El-Cheapo had to steal it? I mean, hey, I would love free gas too. But to steal it??? Ummmmmm.......maybe not so much. What a tool. I love that he was also charged with dangerous driving, and that he was breaching a conditional sentence order. So what was that? Grand theft auto? That would be too ironic.

And in further unusual news....how about the chicken who turned into a rooster? Yeah....hen to cock. That's right. No more eggs for that chicken owner. It has undergone a rare, but natural, sex change. Who knew that could happen? Not this kid....hmmm.

Well. I think that tops out my unusual news.

Wait. No it doesn't. I found this one on ninemsn.com.au......China is cracking down on illegal roadside stall vendors who sell such items as illegal pirated DVD's, fake brand name makeup, and puppies. Yes puppies. Would you buy a puppy from a stall on the side of a road? Apparently some people in China do. Now I wonder if those puppies are purebred or knockoffs........

I'm just like Jessie!!!

I couldn't resist. I was perusing Melanie Faith's blog, and she had a post about Saved By The Bell. A random trip down memory lane. My brother and sister and I were all avid fans of the show. I remember my friend Jen coming over after school to watch it with me, and we would sit so close to the TV, I am sure it will be the main contributor to my failing eyesight in my old age.

She managed to find this site where you can take a quiz to see which character you are most like. Turns out I am the Jessie Spano of the group. Hehehe....which is quite ironic as one of my most favourite and commonly used quotes is "There is never enough time!!!" which she frantically yells out when Zack has found out she is taking caffine pills.


Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?

While I make a mental list of why I would want to be like Jessie vs not like Jessie, I also wonder, would I rather be Kelly or Lisa?? I think the answer is no. Jessie had some serious values and morals that I can appreciate. Not to suggest less of Kelly or Lisa ~ both good characters. But Jessie.....she's all about doing right and fighting for the cause. Even if the cause is ankle length cheerleading skirts.

So go ahead and take the quiz. See which of the fabulous 6 characters you are like!!

Edible Religion

I came across the most ironic article that I have read in a long time. It seems there is an art gallery somewhere in New York City~in the Bronx I think~that has created a lifesize chocolate figure of our beloved saviour, Jesus Christ. He appears in dark chocolate form in the position he is famous for.

Anywho, the gist of the article is that this gallery wanted to display chocolate Jesus for the week prior to Easter, right through to Easter Monday. He would only be on display for a couple hours a day. The local Christian community went nutso over this!!! They felt it was blasphemous. I suppose if I was severly Christian, I would be offened too. As it turns out, I'm a regular run of mill Christian, and my relationship with the big J is a funny one.

Meaning I find chocolate Jesus incredibly funny and told all my friends.

The best part of the article was when the gallery owner was quoted something like "I thought at the end of the showing, we could all take a bite." Hahahahahaha!

Further blasphemy....I notice that the chocolate Jesus is not wearing anything around his waist. I'm sure the Christian ladies were embarrassed to see his "thing" (dear lord, I hope they were not aroused), which surely led to more outcry.

I say props to the art gallery for having the courage and creativity to show this. And props to the chocolate artist too for having such vision. Though why he/she picked chocolate as a medium, I can only assume has to do with the Easter bunny. A bit conflicting to me, but funny nonetheless.

Woop woop. I love Easter. I love chocolate. I love Jesus.