Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Twenty...nine.

You would think by now that I would have realised that no, I can not completely control life. There are too many influences and people around me, that no matter how hard I try, I can not control them.

Not to suggest that this is a post strewn with negative notions, but rather, it's a realistic idea. I firmly believe that I am in control of my own life, that I am the Queen on the chessboard, not just a pawn to be moved around and taken out for the will of someone else.

But still. Twenty-nine is just a couple hours away and where am I? I seem to have been struggling with the 'where am I?' endless question for quite a while now, if you have failed to notice. And let's be obvious, I think we all have noticed.

While I seem to be floundering a bit, I also seem to be feeling that something is making sense. True, I wish that it entirely made sense, especially at moments-from-twenty-nine, I recognize that I am not the only one in my situation.

In my foundering-like ways, I looks for signs to tell me that I am at least heading in the right direction. Two days ago, I experience the best sign of all time.

There I was, zipping along highway nine at eleven o'clock, singing along to Johnny Cash's version of "Personal Jesus." The words "reach out and touch faith" were spilling out of my mouth as my eyes landed upon a shooting star stream it's way across the night sky. A grin grew across my face and my thoughts settled and heart warmed.

It was my sign that something was right. That I just need to be patient and let it all fall into place. I may not be where I thought I would be, but that's ok, it's on the way.

2 comments:

Nathan & Tara said...

Aerosmith says, "Life's a journey, not a destination"

:)

Echo said...

Hey babe, I have felt the same way for a while now too. I think that is just the curse of the 20s...I know that for a long time I felt that by now I would have my life totally together, and it seems I dont. But just have faith in knowing that right now you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Any interest in meeting for dinner half way this coming week? xo