Friday, April 27, 2007

That Whole Six Degrees Thing

How bizarre is this? It always amazes me when this actally happens.

One of my new favourite artists, Sandi Thom, seen in this lovely pic, and whom I have quoted to the right, is a budding Scottish musician. She did a quick tour of Canada last year, and I was sorely dissapointed in myself for not going to see her in Toronto. If you haven't heard her stuff, you should give her a try!

Right...back to what amazes me. So I love Sandi Thom. She is currently touring Europe right now, with a date in Paris next month, with none other than my friend Sophie's friend Basha!!! How cool is that?? I've been to a gig or two with Soph to see Basha play, and she too is an absolutely amazing singer and musician. When Sophie told me they were playing together, I was more excited over the fact Basha was meeting Sandi, than the fact that Basha is actually kicking off her musical career and touring Europe! Hahah! I was all "Holy crap! That is so cool! Tell Basha to tell Sandi I love her music and I think she's the coolest ever!!" Not tell Basha "Yippee for you and your own budding career!"

I like to think that Basha and Sandi will become life long friends, and then Sandi will come and visit Canada and hang out here, and Sophie will invite me to hang out with them....ahhh....It will be the coolest night of my life.

Perhaps by then I'll get my excitement under control and be a normal, cool person for her to meet, and she will want to be my best friend. I mean, I don't know her, but I'm sure she's a cool chic worthy of my admiration and destined-to-be friendship.

Donkey, shut up!

On the road again, On the road again
Just can't wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin' music with my friends
And I can't wait to get on the road again
In just over 24 hours, my mom and I are taking roadtrip to Ottawa. One full week of Melissa and mom time. While I think back to trips of my youth (cause I'm old now???) that we used to go on, I seem to recall my patience for my mother was a lot better. I also seem to recall that she did not repeat herself us much, nor was she so vocal of the things that bother her. Yikes, is this a good idea?? Oh my god, she was not like my Grandmother...
If I never post another blog again, you'll know that I went crazy and was sent to the loony bin.
Please keep your fingers crossed for me.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Classic Complaints

Ok. These are my all time favourite kinds of calls I get. And by favourite, I mean they annoy me, but make me laugh at the very same time.

1. The "My life is ruined because of your book" call
Elderly ladies like to call in and tell us that because we have either listed their address or postal code incorrectly, they are not getting invitations to parties in a timely manner, and are missing out on several parties. It is ruining their social lives.

My thoughts: if your friends have to get your address out of a phone book, they aren't that good of friends. Furthermore, if you have not replied to said invitations, and your friends don't follow up for an RSVP, again, they aren't that good of friends.

2. The "Your company doesn't respect veterans" call
Elderly gentlemen will call in and tell us that because we have either omitted their listing, or listed it somewhat incorrectly, we don't have respect for veterans. They went to war for our country, and we can't even give them the respect they deserve by listing them in our phone directory. And we call ourselves Canadian. Such blasphemy.

My thoughts: Yes sir. That's right. You faught in the war, so I thought it would be a neat trick to screw with you now to show you the disrespect of younger generations.

3. The "I didn't read my contract thoroughly, and now you owe me money" call
Some customers do not thoroughly read through what is written on contracts, nor do they pay attention to what they tell the sales rep to write.

Example: A manager of a hotel provided her cell phone number as the listing number on the contract; she did not provide any other number anywhere on the contract. And now the book has printed as such, and she is having a fit.

My thoughts: You're the tool who gave the wrong number. It's our duty to print the information provided. You should not be a manager if you can't even distinguish between your own cell number and the business number.

4. The "I didn't really look at my proof of the ad when I signed off on it" call
Some customers fail to thoroughly review their advertising proofs, yet sign off on them that they are ok. And then they call me in fits that the ad is wrong and they demand a refund.

Example: A restaurant owner called in and demanded to know why we changed his ad, it was not what he signed off on. In the top corner of the ad it says "Reservations Rewarded", rather than "Reservations Required". He says "What do you people think?!?!? I pat my patrons on the back when they show up on time?!?!?!?" So I investigate the situation, only to find he signed off on the proof as such. He sheepishly said "Oh, I see...."

My thoughts: To start, who is the tool in our graphics department who did that!?! Second, that is the funniest comment I have ever heard!! And of course third....did you even look at your proof before you signed it off????

There are many more, but too many to pick from. I think these will give you an idea of my day. Let's not get into the real pickle-of-a-situation calls, as you would be horrifed of the mistakes that this company makes, and the resolutions I have to make.

Well, ok. Here is a dousy. Though I can not say it's falls under favourite anymore.

One of our directories had a corrupted file~unbeknownst to our production department and the printer we use. So, there are two whole pages missing. The page prior to it was duplicated in it's place. There are three half pages ads missing now. That means big cashola is going back to the customers. Try explaining to angry construction company owners what happened and that of course we are issuing refund cheques, but we hope that they will continue to do business with us.

Oh god. I feel like I have leaked company secrets. I better shut up now before they find out and fire me!!!!

My dirty little secret

I must admit, I am addicted to reading my horoscope. Everyday, I log on to my computer at work, and within the first hour, I have looked it up on Sympatico/MSN. I even have it programmed to be specifically for me.

Most of the time, it's just mumbo-jumbo. But today's horoscope, I think kind of gives me the kick in the pants I need. Even with the bitter bus business. I'll let you read it....

"April 26, 2007
Independence is key for you, Melissa, so even though it may not be national Independence Day, feel free to celebrate it as such anyhow. Give thanks to all the freedoms you have in this life, and make sure you are taking advantage of them at all times. Remember that you are your own entity with a strong life force who is capable of doing anything. Gather up your adventuresome spirit, mount your horse, and ride off into the sunset. "

And it's so true. I can complain about shit til the cows come home, but I should be giving thanks for what I have instead. Focus on the good, not the bad.

I should print that out and put it in my wallet, so when I get down, I can just pull it out and read it. And then tell myself to SUCK IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Not Again

Oh no.

I fear the bitter bus has arrived at my door step again today. That door just swung open and I hopped on.

Damn I hate taking this route through the day.

Bitter. Bitter. Bitter. Bitter.

This bitterness has been generated in my cubby at work. I blame it all on the cubby. And those who march past the cubby.

There will be no sucking it up for the next few hours. I can feel it. I will revel in my bitterness.

:: :: :: :: ::

Ok, some time has passed, I am still bitter, but I have decided that I will make a list of things that make me happy in an attempt to quell my bitterness.

*I just heard the new Powderfinger song on the radio...I love Powderfinger more than I should, so that just put a slight smile on my face.

*I am taking next week off of work to take a road trip with my mom to Ottawa. That is one week without the stress of my heavenly.

*Spring has arrived and there are flowers in gardens. I love flowers ~ I really am that person who literally stops to smell the flowers :)

*I have made up my mind that I am quitting my job by the end of the summer no matter what to move to Toronto. A fresh start is always a good start.

*New episodes of Grey's Anatomy and McLeod's Daughters...hahaha

*Yummy Thai food (I went out for pad thai last night....sooooooo gooooood, I have the left overs for lunch)

*My internet best friend

Well....that makes me feel a little bit better now.....deep breathes, calming motions, deep breathes....

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Lucky Lotto

Do you ever have those dreams that you have won the lottery? And when you wake up in the morning, the dream is so vivid that you can close your eyes again and see the winning ticket in your hand, but when you try to focus on what the numbers are, you just can't quite make them out??

Yeah. I have those dreams. And this last time, I could remember a few of those numbers. But do you think that they worked and won me anything??? Hell no!!

I don't want to say that I am destined not to win the lotto, cause I don't want to jinx myself or anything. But perhaps I am destined to spend my life like the average person, working 40 hours a week to earn my living. And not that there is anything wrong with that at all. I mean, life is life not matter how you look at it.

But sometimes I like to imagine what I would do if I won the lottery. In excess of $1,000,000.00. Not that one million dollars is enough to quit my job and never work again....but let's get real, if I even won $25,000.00, I would quit my job right now and leisurely find a new one, LOL!!!!

So, if I won the lottery (ahem, the huge jackpot), these are things that I would do.......

1. Take one big fat trip around the world, for possibly a whole year. And stay in a variety of places ranging from ritzy resorts to shady hostels. Just to get the full experience. Do some backpacking, but also do some cruising. You know what I'm saying? And send postcards to all of my friends and family. I would also take along a travelling companion and pay for them entirely. Afterall, why experience the world alone?

2. I would then come home and buy myself a modest house. I like bungalows best. I have no idea where I would live though. I'll worry about that when the time comes (hahaha, which is going to be any day now, right??). I wouldn't fill it with posh furniture, but nice, ecclectic peices.

3. If money really did come in excess, I would also pay off the debt of some of my friends. School debt and such. I mean honestly, it's been years since we've finished school, and it must suck to still be paying for it. And I would buy my roomie Erin a new car~she's always driving old old cars 'cause she can't afford a new one!

4. I would start my own business. And if it took a long time to take off, that would be ok, cause I'm rich!!!!!!

5. Not to forget the ridiculous shopping trip I would go on. I don't even want to imagine it, it would be so glorious. With this in mind, the bungalow that I buy will have a walk-in closet for all my wonderful clothes and shoes I will buy.

Ahhhh....such dreams. I think after work today I will go and get a lotto ticket. Yuppers. When I stop for milk, I'll get the ticket. The 6/49 is $14 mill tomorrow night. I can feel it in my bones. I am going to win....

PS. And I would donate money to charities as well. After all, I don't really need all that money, might as well help out those that do!!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Your Local Concession Stand

You should think that I sell Kit Kats and Reese's Peanut Buttercups with this latest concession I am about to make. It's like people can just walk up to me and say "I want this, and you will do that to let me have it." I willingly say ok.

Ok, maybe not always willingly. But I usually end up doing so. I am just too nice. I don't like to fight about it, I don't like to make a scene. I just want it all to pass and for life to return to peace. And if that means I have to shrug my shoulders and say an emphatic "meh" and roll my eyes, I will.

Sometimes I hate myself for it. Sometimes I scream in my head "Are you kidding!?!?! Take a stand!!!" Sometimes I throw things on the floor to express my anger. (Ironically, after I do that I laugh at myself and I'm not so mad anymore.)

And oh, there will be a concession coming up. But he's going to have to suffer and wait for it. This concession stand is not operating on full hours.

I'm just like Jessie!!!

I couldn't resist. I was perusing Melanie Faith's blog, and she had a post about Saved By The Bell. A random trip down memory lane. My brother and sister and I were all avid fans of the show. I remember my friend Jen coming over after school to watch it with me, and we would sit so close to the TV, I am sure it will be the main contributor to my failing eyesight in my old age.

She managed to find this site where you can take a quiz to see which character you are most like. Turns out I am the Jessie Spano of the group. Hehehe....which is quite ironic as one of my most favourite and commonly used quotes is "There is never enough time!!!" which she frantically yells out when Zack has found out she is taking caffine pills.

Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?

While I make a mental list of why I would want to be like Jessie vs not like Jessie, I also wonder, would I rather be Kelly or Lisa?? I think the answer is no. Jessie had some serious values and morals that I can appreciate. Not to suggest less of Kelly or Lisa ~ both good characters. But Jessie.....she's all about doing right and fighting for the cause. Even if the cause is ankle length cheerleading skirts.

So go ahead and take the quiz. See which of the fabulous 6 characters you are like!!

Friday, April 20, 2007

Big City Fun

I just want to share with whomever might read this....I actually am spending my Friday night in this semi-busy city I live in....reading blogs, and figuring out how to make links on my site. Yes, I am not technologically savvy, and had to spend time figuring that out.

I'm so proud of myself for figuring it out that I give myself props with this pic of a fist tap. I swear, I didn't just do that for real.....
So now that I figured it out, you can expect some stellar linking action on my blog. :)

Oh my.....what a life I lead.

Questions, Answers~you know the drill

I cleaned off my desk and did not locate my will to work.

Oh well.

So now I'm playing in the question game.....My friend has a q & a entry on her blog. This is what she did....she was on someone else's blog, who had q's and a's. This blogger said if you want q's and a's, to leave a comment with your email address (unless she already had it) and that she would email you 5 random q's. You take those q's and and post them on your blog with your answers. And then if someone reads your blog and likes it....they leave a comment with their email, and you send them 5 questions. Does that make sense???

Here goes. My internet best friend stargazer has just sent me these questions:

1. What superpower would you most like to possess?

Hmmm....interesting. I've never been a superpower/superhero follower. But I guess I would like to be able to transport myself from one spot to another. Like Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie. Just blink my eyes, and I can be anywhere in the world that I want. Ahhh....think of the savings on airfare. And think of the time saved. That would be pretty cool. Perhaps not as glamourous and adventurous as some, but just as useful.

2. Is there a fictional character you would choose to be? Why?

Does Barbie count??? Haha, just kidding. Let me think. I know I would not like to be Napoleon Dynamite...hehehehe. I would like to be........why is this so hard??? Let me go to the next question and come back to this.

Well, I answered all the questions. So now I have to think some more. I should probably pick someone literary and look smart. But I won't. I want to be Baby from Dirty Dancing. 'Cause nobody puts Baby in the corner! And 'cause who doesn't want a scandalous summer romance, and then ship off to the Peace Corp?

3. You just found a time machine and there is enough battery to take you to one place in history--where would you go? (and why)

I would like to go back in history just to see things, not to change things. Yes, some really shitty things have happened, but it all happens for a reason, right? Although maybe I would like to make a few changes on some airplanes. But rather.....Ancient Egypt, go and chill with Cleopatra. Those Egyptians were smart buggers, I'd love to see them in action. :)

4. What is your biggest fear?

My biggest silly fear is that when I go swimming in lakes that fishies will eat my toes. But I guess my biggest normal fear is that I will never find someone to spend the rest of my life with, that no one will love me. Sniff sniff....that's sad.

5. And to copy my question from Stefanie-what are you better at than most people?

Huh. I would have to say that I am better than most people at writing clearly with my feet. That is right. My feet. I can legibly write out anything with my feet. Pen between my toes and away I go. Crazy I know. My brother and I used to have competitions on this. I always won.

Well, that was a good way to spend some time. Excellent idea, internet best friend!

I mean I said I do!!!

My funny friend Simon, who lives in Australia, has just taken a whirlwind trip around Europe and stopped in Canada. Much to my disappointment, he went to BC, rather than Ontario. So during this time that he was closer to my time zone, we chatted a lot on msn. (Well, he wasted his spare time talking to me on msn on his cell phone...he didn't waste his trip time on a computer, no worries!)

He has not lost his funny nature since I saw him last in 2003. He has also not lost his incredibly flirty nature. While I was living in Australia, one could say we were more than just friends. And every time we chat, he likes to bring it up. Man...I am sooooooo irresistible! Hahaha!!!! Just kidding!

These past few days chatting to him on a regular basis has been very nice, and very funny. He's a pretty cool guy. The gist of every conversation generally starts out rather "what is new with you" and evolves to him reminiscing of the first time we met~he came into our backyard, I was in the pool in my bikini. But it's always pretty funny for me to read what he says, and a bit of an ego booster :)

But back to this time around. He was joking around about moving to the outback and having a veggie patch and a cow and singing songs on the front porch--all he needs is a wife to sing along with him....

Me: Well Simon, I'll find you a wife and ship her over then.

Simon: Sounds good...

Me: You might have to pay for her flight though.

Simon: It would be worth it!!

Me: If that is the case, I'll call my travel agent and book myself a flight for next week :)

Simon: Excellent!

Me: Actually, let's revise this plan. We should do it the right way. You send me a ring in the mail, I'll start composing my acceptance letter now, and Fed-Ex it back to you asap!!

Simon: Hahaha....sounds like a deal. You'll be worth every penny. So is this like a mail order bride situation?

Me: I suppose. But don't tell your mom that. She might think less of me.

Simon: Can you put on a Russian accent?

Me: Uhhhhh....not very well, but my Latino accent is quite glorious.

Simon: Fabulous. A latin lover.

Melissa: Yup. Now, I just want you to know, I don't need a big rock or anything, but you can't cheap out on the gold.

Simon: I'll keep that in mind.

Melissa: When are you flying out? How much time do you have left?

Simon: I leave at 6pm. I have like 7 hours. Why?

Melissa: 7 hours is plenty of time to get me a ring. Go to the jewellery store now so we can get this done sooner!!!

Simon: Hahaha!! You are hilarious!!

Melissa: No. I'm serious. I'll say I do!! What part of this don't you understand??

Simon: Do you still have that blue bikini??

Melissa: I'm not kidding if you are not kidding.

Simon: you still have that blue bikini?????????? marriage proposals. Even if I coerced him into it, I think it still counts. He is in New Zealand today visiting his mum, and goes back to Brisbane tonight. Uhhh...actually, with the time difference, I think he might be on the plane home right now. His first stop better be at a jewellery store. Cause when I said I would say yes, I meant!! I'm not a girl to go back on her word. If all goes according to plan, I'll be Mrs. Melissa Mason in just a few short weeks. (Jon....I'll miss you. But first come, first serve!!)

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Attempts at funny

Ok. So I feel I must do something. And fast.

These are my classic dumb jokes...I hope you laugh.

1. What did the one tomato say to the other tomato?? You go ahead....I'll KETCHUP!!!!


2. What did one strawberry say to another strawberry?? How did we ever get into this jam??


Ok, now my blog is funny today. Phew.

Hmm...I am a droning worker bee

Look at that. It is 4:15 and I didn't blog anything else like I planned to. Work got in the way. Though I didn't want to do it. People just kept calling and emailing. Jerks.

Now my blog is not funny today.

I am NOT a droning worker bee

It has finally happened. I've lost the will to work. I no longer want to pick up the phone to have someone yell at me, argue with me, tell me the company I work for and represent is terrible. Honestly, who wants to hear that all the time? Not me.

Actually, I lose the will to work about once every two weeks. I was just on a really good run there....kept my claims low, returned calls, made good resolutions. But now....hmmm...not so much.

In the words of my friend Bob...I'd rather stick a pencil in my eye. And now with my one good eye, I will think of funny things to say and then blog about it. At least I will be productive at something today.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Long Lost BF

Today my internet best friend is not at work. She is instead sunning herself in Florida. If you can imagine would be plastered across my face right now.

My internet best friend is likely the only person who reads my blog on a regular basis. I'm not cool enough to have blog fans~a single tear just emerged from my left eye. All day long we msn each other, sharing silly things like "the guy next to me just farted" (Ok, I lie. I say "I just farted, I have to vacate my cubby", and she giggles), and send each other links to funny news articles or other blogs we come across. Somehow we manage to get our work done too. I don't know how.

I call her my internet best friend, but I did not meet her on the internet. (She knows all this, she's likely the only one reading it, so why am I telling her things she knows??? I don't know...I just feel inspired.) Rather, we were best friends way back in the day of elementary and middle school. Then I moved away, then she moved away. She made a good effort at staying in touch with me (I'm a lazy ass), but after a while, we got busy and lost track of each other. Then one glorious day, when I was checking my email in Australia, I get this random email saying "Are you my old best friend?? I just found you on hotmail...I hope it's you...." It was glorious. For real, GLORIOUS. It's been over 4 years since that email, and really, it's only been in the last year or two that we've really reconnected.

Back to my point. My internet best friend is in Florida right now. I am in an office cubicle currently listening to The Chili Peppers on the radio. (Though I want to mention, I have not farted today...thank heavens). No one has read my last post and left me a comment. No one has msn'd me today. (Again, I lie. My roommate and my mom msn'd me today. Oh, and my old co-worker. But it's just not the same.)

Oh internet best friend. I miss you. Come back.

You Call That a Secret?

This past weekend I went to Toronto with my mom to a full day seminar based on The Secret. There were 5 speakers (plus one very funny comedian as the the host) who were fabulous motivational speakers in their own right.

They said a lot of great things, things that got me thinking about my own life and what I can be doing to make it better and make myself happier~general improvements, I guess.

The thing that gets me the most about all this, is what they are saying is common sense to me. If you want to achieve success in your life--whether that is monetary, family, health, career, friendships, etc--you must be positive and work for it. Why is that a "secret"? Should we all not realize this is the case? The whole 'you get what you give' mentality, to me, is just common sense. If I treat someone with respect, I expect that I will get it in return--not necessarily from that specific person, but from somewhere.

However, I suppose one could argue that our society has been one of continual busyness. One where we don't take the time to think about these simple things that you can do to improve your situation. We focus so much on the right now and the 'get it done' jobs that we don't take time to nurture ourselves internally. And it takes someone standing up on a stage telling us to do it, to actually do it.

I really had to pick and choose the statements that they said in regard to what I agreed with. Their lectures ranged from fun-motivational to how-to-be-a-millionaire. I don't know so much about the how-to-be-a-millionaire; I can't say I agree with the message he was putting across that money=happiness, happiness=money. While he had some valid points, I also wanted to drop kick him out of the room and tell him he was an ass. But you must pick your battles wisely...this would not have been a worthwhile battle.

My favourite speaker of the day spoke about knowing yourself, believing in yourself, and being yourself. She said that if you want to get to where you dream of being, you have to know where you are right now, and acknowledge the things in your life that need some fixin', and acknowledge the great things in your life too. I liked that a whole lot.

I am going to take her advice, if you can call it advice I guess, and figure out where I am, and then work on where I want to be.

I guess I'll start making a list. It would be common sense to make a list, wouldn't it?

Friday, April 13, 2007

The Curse of Women

Some people might think that "The Curse" that the female population experiences has something to do with a biological clock.

I would like to argue this point, and say NO, the curse is not a monthly situation. The monthly situation is merely a fact of life. Instead, the curse that many of us face is an overwhelming experience of emotions. ALL THE TIME. And these emotions can range from the negative to the positive, in all aspects of life.

Case in point:

Prior Blog about the bitter bus. Did I really need to get so worked up about those things that I was a miserable lout for days? No I did not. I just let my emotions get carried away.

Case in point:

Boys. Girls sometimes do things they think are silly and excessive, and then fear that they have ruined any further chance of a relationship with a particular guy. Such as the drunken email I sent out last weekend. Here I thought that I might have weirded Jon out too much that he was going to never speak to me again. And when I didn't hear from him for a few day, I panicked and thought DAMN!! But really, he was just busy. When we did talk on Wednesday, all was cool, all was fine, all was flirty. (Thank heavens.)

Case in point:

I just said thank heavens.

Now I am full of glee again about Jon. Just cause we talked and flirted. You would think he asked me to move in with him I am so happy.

Case in point:

Serious weirdness going on at work right now. I am jumping to the conclusion that we are all getting laid off. I am analyzing every little thing that the managers are doing as evidence that I am right, and freaking out. (As are some of my co-workers). One of our Accounts Recievable Collectors got let go this morning. Now I am in a tumbling spiral in the thought that we are all next. Not looking at the proper facts of the workload has gone down for our collectors on a regular basis so there is no longer need for two.

I think you see my point, and will clearly agree with me.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

My friend, Stevie the TV

Being the single girl that I am, a single girl who loves to lounge around her apartment during the week rather than be sociable, I watch a lot of tv.

But it's not that I watch a million shows or anything. All these new shows....I haven't given them a chance at all. Instead, I watch reruns of CSI and CSI Miami everday. (Hello.....and the Simpsons and Friends. Who doesn't watch those??) With the exception of Grey's Anatomy on Thursdays, and of course the new episodes of CSI, my viewing isn't very extensive. I can't even be bothered to watch the new episodes of Miami--I'll just catch them on rerun somewhere down the line. On Friday's, I'm embarrassed to say, I watch this show called McLeod's Daughters--it's an Australian family drama, set on a farm.....and I love it to peices. It makes me want to be a farmer.

I dont' know what happened, I don't know what caused me to stop watching other TV shows. The year that Sex & The City and Friends ended, was a sad year for me. My two favourite shows~gone in an instant. I moved on to Desperate Housewives and The OC. We all know how ridiculous The OC was; the unbelievable and insane storyline, that thank heavens, came to a bizarre end this past February. I celebrated the day it came to it's series finale--I was hooked on that show; no matter how crazy it was, I was addicted--it's ending was a release for me!!! And the Housewives....I just plain ol' lost interest. I did not ever bother to start watching Lost, which I hear is a phenomenal show. Too bad for me.

The most bizarre thing about my TV habits....if I am going to be busy on a Thursday or Friday night, I will set my VCR to record Grey's Anatomy and McLeod's Daughters. I have a panic attack if I realise I didn't set the VCR and end up missing an episode. Grey's....I feel somewhat confident I will one day catch it on rerun, or that my friends will give me the goss on what happened. But I don't know anyone else who watches McLeod's Daughters, so if I miss it....I feel screwed.

The last time my boy came to visit (the one I lovingly referred to as a fuckhead....he's not a fuckhead today), he razzed me for having a VCR still. And my defence to him was I needed it to tape Grey's and McLeod's. He just laughed at me.

You know who doesn't laugh at me? My friend, Stevie the TV. Instead, Stevie is there for me, offering me endless hours of comfort and joy. Stevie knows how to treat a lady right.

I love Stevie the TV, and hope that he never leaves me.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Dating Tips for the Undateable

I would like to take a moment and hand out dating tips. Not that I am a dating expert or anything of the sort. But I'm a person with common sense. And common sense goes a long way.

Tip # 1. If you ask someone out on a date, and they make suggestions that you could do it another time, take the hint they don't want to go.

Tip # 2. Just because someone agrees to meet you for coffee (after turning down your invitation to dinner), do not assume they like you in any way other than a platonic aquaintance. They might just be really nice and don't want to hurt your feelings by blatantly saying no.

Tip # 2a. If you are asking out the daughter of a friend of yours, assume that they are only agreeing to meet you because you are a friend of her mother.

Tip # 3. Should you be in coversation with them about their future plans, and your date mentions that they are moving to another city, not back to their hometown where you live, do not express anger. It is creepy. Do not ask in an incredulous voice "Why would you move there!?! I don't like living in the city!" It makes your date feel like you are assuming they would want to move back to their hometown and move in with you. Trust me, your date does not want to do that.

Tip # 4. If you are on a date with someone, and their friend walks in and says "Hey, thought I'd stop by so that we can head over to Dayna's together", which is the reason why your date turned down dinner, due to plans already made for that evening, do not look at the said friend with an expression of annoyance and anger on your face. Again, this is creepy. Additionally, if a date's friend walked in on the date, it was staged. Take the hint your date does not like you.

Those are my tips. I know they are very specific tips, but I feel that you could take these tips and generalize them some to apply to your own life.

Good luck. Don't creep out your dates.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Customer Service Letter # 3

Dear Customer,

Our Accounts Receivable Department has yet again requested that our Customer Service Department review your file. Your continual changing claim that your ad is wrong has not once proven to be true. Yet here I am again, reviewing your file, after having listened to you tell another fabrication about your ad.

We can sympathise for you that you must be schizophrenic, according to the different way you speak to each of our employees. It is regrettable you can't get your medication under control.

You're most recent claim has yet again proven to be false. There are specific changes requested to your ad which were followed to a T. These other changes you speak of are not written on any ad proof. I noticed how you changed your statement immediately when I offered to fax over the copy of the proof that you only verbally requested this change and it was the fault of the sales rep for not writing it down. It must be difficult to accept that you have been caught in a lie.

As such, our Customer Service Department does not offer any sort of monetary adjustments for clients who are blatant liars, even if it is due to a medical condition. This detail should be written into our Contract Terms and Conditions.

I will happily hand your account back to our Collections Department. They will follow up for payment. I hope to never have to speak with you again.

I also hope the men in white jackets come for you soon. Until then, have a nice day.

Sincerely yours,
Customer Service.

Bus Stop Blues

The bitter bus has come to a halt of some kind. There is a new driver coming soon, so I can step off that bus. Next time I'll just be a passenger.

No need to get my knickers in a knot over all this stuff. Life goes on. Must find my zen or something like that.

After all, I live in Canada, and I have a job and a house and family and friends. I'm pretty lucky and shouldn't forget it. It could be a hell of a lot worse.

Just think about wings and beer. That makes me happy.

Monday, April 9, 2007

Bitter Bus

I saw an advertisement in the paper last week looking for a bus driver for the bitter bus. I thought it would be a great idea to apply for this position, and now I am driving it, full force ahead.

For clear solid reasons, along with mysterious reasons beyond me, I have been in a piss lately. Things just keep seem to be adding up to make me feel miserable. Now, not to say that I am "just a girl" with typical, cyclical bad moods, but I am starting to wonder about this. I've never been a sufferer of PMS....but as of late....things change. Damn things.

These are things that are putting a bee in my bonnet.....

1. The situation with my brother is still pissing me off. What kind of jerk beats people up and puts them in the hospital? is about love, not war.

2. My dog was put down last week because she had cancer. My poor puppy. While it is true that now she is in a better place and not suffering anymore, I am still sad because she is my dog.

3. I hate my job. No further explanation needed.

3a. Ok, more explanation. Most people hate their jobs, so really, this should not be such an issue, it's just part of life. But it pisses me off even more that try as I may to get a new job, no one wants to hire me. I must really suck at interviews.

4. The guy I am head over heels about is~so I feel~jerking me around. That pisses me off because he is generally a strait up guy, which is one of the things I like so much about him. He just can't decide what he wants. It's not like I'm asking him to have babies with me. Just to be my boyfriend.

5. Number four leads to number five. In my drunken state on the weekend (see last blog) I sent an email to the guy noted in number four. I was not as tactful as I am when sober, and perhaps said something to weird him out, and he has not spoken to me since I sent it. Though it has only been two days since I sent it, and it's not like we talk everyday anyways. So I should not freak out too much about that.

6. Back to I hate my job. I sit in the friggin' hallway in a random cubicle. Does anyone else sit in the hallway? No. Just me. And we have a temperature issue in the building that makes all the offices hot and the hallway freezes. So I sit here all bundled up and complain it's too cold, while everyone else is sweating, meaning that the majority wins, and they won't turn up the thermostat. Jerks. Additionally, there is a free office where I could move into, but they won't let me because apparently we are getting an HR generalist who will move in there. But they have been saying that since November. It's now April. They just like to give me the shaft.

7. My mother is forgetful. Even though I just saw her the other weekend and gushed to her about the boy and showed her pics from when he came to visit me, she has forgotten about him. And a friend of hers has a crush on me (he's about 5 years or so older than me...not some old man...hehehehe) who has asked me out in the past, and I have politely told him I was flattered, however, I was seeing someone. Well he has to come to town this week for an appointment and asked me out for dinner. I was like, wtf.....why is he asking me on a date?? It's because he asked my mother if I was still seeing that guy, and she said NO!!!!!!!! What the hell, mom??? I've told her before I have no interest in this guy! The answer is always YES, she is dating someone. Make up a name if you have to, mom!!! So I turned him down for dinner, and made up a lie that I was busy later in the evening, so now we are going for a coffee. And I have tried to deter him from that, but he's not curbing his effort. Son of a bitch.

7a. And I feel like a jerk for be pissed off that someone likes me.

7b. And I feel pissed off that this guy likes me and is asking me for a date when fuckhead boy I really like can't make up his mind what he wants. I feel like telling him he's not my only option, but then I would feel like a bitch. Besides which, I don't want anyone else, just him.

8. I'm still annoyed that I ate Easter dinner at a pub.

9. My friend's mom was in a car accident last week, and the driver of the other vehicle did not survive the crash. She might be charged with some crazy car accident crime. While this does not effect me directly, I am very upset for my friend and her family.

10. And finally, people in general are annoying.

I could go on, but I should stop here, as I am making myself more mad as I write this.

I feel I need to find something to make myself feel better, but I have no idea what I should do. How about I waste the rest of my workday working on solutions.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

I didn't really send that email, did I?

Ahhh, the wonderous moments when you get home from the bar and think it is a great idea to send an email, is never actually wonderous.

On more than one occassion I have been victim to that shining moment when it all seemed a good idea. Full of giggles and "enlightened thoughts", I have hit the send button, only to wake up with a churning in my belly the next day that has nothing to do with the booze I drank. That feeling of dread when I remember what I wrote to that certain someone. Either spilling forth gushy-girl feelings, or sharing my neurosis of a long distance relationship, I express more than I should.

Perhaps drunk dials are the better choice. Though more disruptive to the receivers' evening (or should I say wee hours of the morning), you never really get to say all those things you have the guts to write down. Meaning, there is less to feel sheepish about.

Either way around it, my laptop should be hidden from me when I go out for nights on the town. And my phone. All items of communication should be shoved under the couch far from sight. Even the tin cans and string. Just in case.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Sorry, what tradition is that?

With Easter just around the corner, I am faced yet again with the facts that A) I am the only single child left in my family, which lead to B) I am the only child in my family who is always available to show up for holiday weekend dinners. And with the smaller turn out, my family has become less concerned with the traditions of the meal and such things that go around it.

While they express the solid point that as long as we are together, it should not matter what we do or eat ( dinners without stuffing should be a crime), I still feel gypped. Just because I am the youngest kid, the single kid, I get the shaft! This Easter, my brother and Jen are not joining us for Easter due to the crazy assault on him, they are just laying low. Fair enough. My sister and Brian can not join us because they are working, can't argue that....ok I can, it's called book it off. So what are we doing? My mother, my grandparents and I are all meeting up at the restaurant where my sister and Brian work for an early dinner~so that we can see them. I say, if they can't bother to take the time to come and share in family dinner, I should not have to eat pub grub on Easter Sunday as a consequence!!

This means no delicious homemade pie, no custard, no little Easter eggs around the table. No belated birthday cake for me and my brother. No turkey, no stuffing, no green beans or creamy mashed potatoes. No gravy. I imagine I'll have a club sandwich and fries. Mmmmm. My mouth is watering.

What have I learned from this? That my siblings suck. If I were to call my parents or grandparents and tell them that I was not able to come home for a holiday weekend, they would be mad at me!!! Just because I am single, I am expected to be at their back and call!! Yet Nicole and Mike can get away with it cause they are married....jerks. So now I have learned that I need to be in a committed relationship so that when I dick off and don't attend a family dinner, I'll won't get guilt tripped.

Grrr.....the life of a single girl is not all it's cracked up to be. Damn family holidays.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Never Ending Wishes

Here I was complaining about my birthday. Which, for the record, is the first time I've ever complained about a birthday. And now I feel like a jerk. What was I thinking???

As life goes on, and people get busy, we all lose track of whose birthday is when, and mail cards out late. The plus side to all of this, is that it makes your birthday go on forever!! You get mail for a good two weeks from those forgetful friends, and that makes it a great two weeks! Who doesn't love mail that isn't bills???

So now I love my 27th birthday because the joy of well wishes has been extended well past the date. I just got a card from Australia mailed to me at work! That made my day, because the only mail I get at work are the comments pages from our directories on which people write that our directories suck.

I take back my comments that 27 will be dreadful. How could it be dreadful when it has started out so full of joy? I am now looking forward to a year of good times.

Thanks friends, for being forgetful and mailing late!! You have made me one happy camper!

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Edible Religion

I came across the most ironic article that I have read in a long time. It seems there is an art gallery somewhere in New York City~in the Bronx I think~that has created a lifesize chocolate figure of our beloved saviour, Jesus Christ. He appears in dark chocolate form in the position he is famous for.

Anywho, the gist of the article is that this gallery wanted to display chocolate Jesus for the week prior to Easter, right through to Easter Monday. He would only be on display for a couple hours a day. The local Christian community went nutso over this!!! They felt it was blasphemous. I suppose if I was severly Christian, I would be offened too. As it turns out, I'm a regular run of mill Christian, and my relationship with the big J is a funny one.

Meaning I find chocolate Jesus incredibly funny and told all my friends.

The best part of the article was when the gallery owner was quoted something like "I thought at the end of the showing, we could all take a bite." Hahahahahaha!
Further blasphemy....I notice that the chocolate Jesus is not wearing anything around his waist. I'm sure the Christian ladies were embarrassed to see his "thing" (dear lord, I hope they were not aroused), which surely led to more outcry.
I say props to the art gallery for having the courage and creativity to show this. And props to the chocolate artist too for having such vision. Though why he/she picked chocolate as a medium, I can only assume has to do with the Easter bunny. A bit conflicting to me, but funny nonetheless.
Woop woop. I love Easter. I love chocolate. I love Jesus.

Wings and Beer

One of my favourite ways to spend time with friends is eating and drinking. In particular, I love going for wings and beer. Cold pints and hot wings always bring about funny conversations and loads of laughs.

Out of my love for wings, I have been on a hunt for the best wings in town~and when I say best, I mean who offers the best wing night deal for the biggest, juiciest wings. So far in this city, I have not come across anywhere that knocks my socks off. It's a bit depressing. I've been out for mediocre wings numerous times....I usually just end up hitting the pub I like best and cry about the mediocre wings when I get home (of course, this is after I've had several pints, so I would cry over anything....hahahah).

Funny enough, I've found great wing places outside of my city, in smaller surrounding towns. I think that is my hint that city life is not all it's cracked up to be. Not only do small towns offer the comfort of peace and quite, of safe and sound, of knowing not only your neighbours but the whole neighbourhood....but they offer the best wings ever.

Maybe I should change my life aspirations and open up a pub that has the best wings in the city. There is a take out wing place called Ring-a-Wing, and honest to goodness, they do have fabulous wings....but it's take out, and eating wings at home drinking bottled beer....just not the same. Maybe I can strike up a deal with them somehow.

Ahhh....nevermind, that's a bad idea. I'll just carry on with my quest for the best wings in the city. I'll drink as many pints as I need to in order to try as many places as I need to.

I'm that dedicated to wings.